


blown out glass

by mnemememory



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, critrole rsweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 18:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15007097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mnemememory/pseuds/mnemememory
Summary: Calianna has trouble sleeping.





	blown out glass

**blown out glass**

…

…

Calianna closes her eyes and lets her hand fall limp to her side, spent.

Around her, everywhere, is a cacophony of noise; screams and shouts and crying, so much crying. Calianna tries so hard to block it out, but she can’t. There’s blood seeping into the fabric of her cloak, into the ends of her hair, into the corners of her eyes. There are no wounds on her body, but she’s bleeding all the same.

And there’s fire. So, so much fire.

“I won’t,” Calianna says, trying to keep her voice steady. It echoes around the room, warping with every repeat: “I won’t, I won’t, I won’t –” until it doubles back around on itself (“I will, I will, I will”). The twice voices battle against themselves, mingling and disappearing underneath the roar of the fire. There is so much fire.

Calianna’s blood thickens, and boils, and bursts from her veins in a fountain of black sludge. She can’t breathe. Seris is here, somewhere, just a little ways off. Calianna can hear her, can smell her, can almost taste the way Seris’ would bleed under her teeth.

“You will,” Seris whispers, and Calianna can’t breathe. She’s so tired. There’s nothing left in her body. Everything is gone, wasted away from her bones until she’s nothing left but blood and scales. They consume her, locking across her throat and severing her vocal chords. _I won’t_ , Calianna thinks, and there’s a desperate kind of admission to it.

There’s another scream, this time – younger, smaller, and –

And –

And –

And –

Calianna opens her eyes.

There is no burning field. There is no blood. There is no Seris.

Someone is standing next to her fire, poking at the burning embers hard enough to set the fresh wood ablaze. The night is as still as Calianna has ever seen it, the world holding its breath.

“Hi,” the figure says, shifting forward.

Calianna blinks slowly.

Yasha stands with her back to the fire, at once intimidating and striking. Her form is backlit, eyes glowing hot, skin reflectively pale. She looks less real and most ghostly, insubstantial, transparent. Calianna wants to reach out and make sure she isn’t an illusion.

Then Yasha glances back to the fire, shoulders hunching all the way up to her ears. Her sword keeps her spine straight, but only just.

“You were sleeping,” Yasha says, and a brief look of frustration flickers across her face. “I didn’t want to wake you up, but. It’s dangerous. Camping alone.”

“Thank you,” Calianna says. She looks around, but there’s too much middle-hanging plant-growth around, obscuring her vision more than ten feet out of her chosen camping ground. ( _Easy to burn_ , Seris whispers). “Is the rest of…?”

Calianna trails away, and Yasha shakes her head. They stare at each other for a long minute, and then Calianna whacks herself on the head and jumps to her feet, grabbing for her bag.

“it’s so lovely to see you!” she says. “Here, take a seat, let me get something to eat. It’s been so long. How have you been? Sit down, sit down!”

Yasha pulls back a little at the sudden burst of enthusiasm, and then gingerly gets onto the ground. There isn’t much by way of seating prospects – the trees around here are a little low on comfortable root systems and a little high on mulchy loan – which makes sitting (even in her clearing) a game of low-stakes roulette. Calianna can already feel some of the moisture seeping into her clothing, the texture reminiscent of cold –

Calianna pulls open her bag with a wide smile, shaking out what little food she’s managed to prepare. There isn’t a lot – less, now that there are two people instead of one – but she wants to share this with Yasha. Even now, she’s a little at a loss with how to repay the barbarian for the destroyed Bowl.

“It is very, uh, nice. Seeing you again. I wasn’t expecting it,” Yasha says. She takes the good that Calianna offers her, but doesn’t start eating it straight away. Her clothing is partially torn in places, and there’s a long wound running along the side of her shoulders and dipping below her collarbone. Calianna wants to ask, but that would be very rude. ( _No questions_ , Seris whispers).

“Neither was I!” Calianna says. “It’s such a pleasant surprise. What brings you this way? How are the rest of the Mighty Nein?”

“They are well, I think. I haven’t seen them for. A while.”

“Are you heading back their way?”

Yasha smiles, briefly. It lights up her whole face into something less terrifying and more transient, the distinction softened by the dim light of the fire.

“I’m trying to,” Yasha says. “They’re a little hard to, uh, follow.”

“Yes, I keep hearing things,” Calianna says. “I keep an ear out for your exploits, you know. The Mighty Nein!”

Yasha rolls her eyes, a gratifyingly human gesture. “Making a name for themselves.”

“And you,” Calianna says. “Making a name for all of you.”

Yasha shrugs.

They drift into a kind of awkward, but comfortable, silence. The fire pops as a deposit of sap catches alight, but Calianna only jumps a little, and Yasha doesn’t move at all. It’s strangely liberating, not having anything to say.

And simultaneously deeply unsettling.

( _Be still, be sweet, be good_ , Seris whispers).

…

…

_Dear Jester_ [Calianna’s letter reads]

_I am doing very well! Thank you so much for writing back to me. I’ve been waiting to hear about your exploits all month. It’s unfortunate that our positions keep changing, because the mail system here isn’t very good. Thankfully, there were enough stamps on that last envelope on yours to catch up with me, but I’m not sure if this will get to you in any sort of timely fashion!_

_I’ve certainly missed your company, through perhaps not that of the troll. You mentioned in your last letter that it had been killed – that’s so incredible! I’m really impressed with you all, you know. Your pictures were equal parts amusing and instructional. Kiri looked very intimidating, though I’m afraid she’s just too cute for me to be scared by her. I can’t believe she was the one who made the final blow!_

_Speaking of unbelievable things, you’ll never guess who I chanced upon just last week –_

…

…

“I can, uh, travel with you. To the next city. If you want. I don’t know where the rest of them have gone, at the moment. so I’m just. Trying to gather information. At the moment.”

It’s the longest string of sentences (if they can be called that) that Calianna has ever heard Yasha say. She’s very impressed. Yasha seems less so, if the constant catches and awkward pauses are anything to go by.

“I would love that!” Calianna says. ( _I love you_ , Seris whispers). “I’m trying to track down another of my artefacts, but there aren’t many leads I can follow at the moment. Company would be very nice!”

Yasha starts to smile, but doesn’t really seem to know what to do with the rest of her face. It hangs awkwardly there for a few seconds, and then drops back to neutral. Calianna beams.

“Jester would never forgive me if, uh, something happened to you,” Yasha says. “While I’m here. She gets very. Excited. Whenever one of your letters catches us.”

“I’m very glad that she gets them,” Calianna says, falling into step. “Sometimes it’s hard to know if they’re going through. I have to _plaster_ the envelope with stamps – the first time I saw her letter, why, I could barely read her name! But it’s very useful. I try to send as many as I can, just in case.”

“It really makes her day,” Yasha says.

…

…

_Dear Calianna_ [Jester’s letter reads]

_It is so wonderful to hear from you. Thank you very much for the book you sent along with your last letter – it is very useful when it comes to keeping track of money. I’ve learned a lot about “accounting” from it. Fjord and Caleb are both_ really _impressed, which they should be, because “accounting” is hard. I have been working at keeping better track of my money. I think I’m getting better at it._

_Ooh, Yasha! I’m so glad you ran into her! Things have been, like, crazy hectic these last few weeks, and we haven’t had much of a chance to stay in one place. I think we keep missing her, which is making Molly_ really _antsy. If she’s still with you, tell her that we’re heading back to Zadash, and that she needs to buy Beau some more throwing stars (but Beau doesn’t know I’m asking her to), and that she needs to keep an eye out for any more diamonds –_

…

…

_I love you_ , Seris whispers, dragging her fingers through Calianna’s hair.

Calianna makes a small noise of contentment, stretching out so that her small head is positioned better on Seris’ lap. The sun is warm along her bared scales, flooding across the sky and shading everything pale. A small rumble builds in her chest as Seris continues the slow, rhythmic stroking.

_I love you. I love you. I love you_.

Something hot drips onto Calianna’s cheek, like wax. The purr breaks, deep and satisfied. Another drip, this time along Calianna’s right eye. Along her chin. Her lips. Her forehead.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

Calianna opens her mouth, and she tasted blood. It’s everywhere, coating her tongue and her teeth and the inside of her throat. She’s choking in blood, drowning in it. Seris continues to pull at Calianna’s hair, only she’s not being gentle, she’s digging it out by the roots. Calianna tries to cry out, but she can’t, because she’s dying.

_I love you. I love you. I love –_

Something gentle presses onto Calianna’s wrist, just below her pulse. Calianna bolts upright with a sickening lurch, trembling.

Yasha is crouching next to her, expression eerily neutral as her eyes skitter over Calianna’s face.

“You were being loud,” she says, when Calianna gets her breathing under control. It’s not a complaint, but Calianna’s face burns.

“Oh!” Calianna says, modulating her voice so it comes out high. “I’m so sorry, I can’t believe – I mean, I’m so sorry for waking you up!”

“I wasn’t sleeping,” Yasha says, mismatched eyes piercing as she begins to back away. Calianna wants to reach out and grab onto her wrist, but she can’t, because she knows exactly what happens to the people she draws close. It’s bad enough that Yasha has already destroyed the Bowl – anything more, and Seris will – Seris will do something extremely unpleasant. Calianna has seen enough of Seris’ unpleasantness for the rest of her life. If she had her way, Calianna will never have to see it firsthand ever again.

(That’s what worries her, what leaves her sick to the stomach, because second-hand is almost as bad. Cleaning up the mess, dragging things back to their proper places, staring into the creatures that had remained afterwards – it’s almost worse than seeing it done.

The first time, Calianna hadn’t known any better. She hadn’t. She had looked at the pitiful, broken remains and then tied up as best she could. Seris had patted her on the head and said, _I love you, I love you, I love you_ , and that had almost been enough to stop Calianna from thinking, _I feel sick_.

Almost).

“You weren’t? You should be! Yasha, sleep is one of the most important parts of the day – after breakfast, of course –”

“Someone needed to keep watch,” Yasha says.

“I could have done that,” Calianna says, trying to keep from sounding stung. She doesn’t quite manage it, but considering how tired she feels, Calianna feels it’s a good effort all around. ( _You work so hard_ , Seris whispers, _I’m so proud of you_ ).

“I know,” Yasha says.

They stare at the fire in silence, Calianna dragging herself back together, Yasha silently watching. When it doesn’t hurt to breathe, Calianna settles her lungs into place with a long sigh, glancing up to meet Yasha’s eyes.

“Thank you,” Calianna says.

Yasha doesn’t reply, but she doesn’t really need to.

…

…

_Dear Jester_ [Calianna’s letter reads]

_Don’t worry, if I see Yasha again, I’ll tell her where you’re heading. Of course, that’s assuming she hasn’t already caught up with you! She left quite a while ago in search of your ground, but I wouldn’t worry about her. I get the feeling she’ll stumble onto the Mighty Nein’s trail sooner than later – you’re very good at being conspicuous, you know! I just went through Hupperdook, and let me tell you –_

…

…

**Author's Note:**

> Yo! Behold, my first (and only) contribution to Critical Role Relationships Week! I hadn't planned on positing it today, but the lovely reviews on my last story inspired me to finish it :)
> 
> (I'll be replying to those as soon as I can).
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr :)


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